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White House Doctor Claims Trump A Perfectly Healthy 9-Foot-Tall 35-Year Old

The Onion Staff· ·1 min read · 0 reactions · 0 comments · 15 views
#health#politics#presidency#Donald Trump#Sean Barbabella#White House
White House Doctor Claims Trump A Perfectly Healthy 9-Foot-Tall 35-Year Old
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The White House doctor has declared President Trump to be in excellent health, describing him as a 9-foot-tall 35-year-old. Capt. Sean Barbabella reported that Trump's physical examination showed no health concerns and highlighted his extraordinary physical abilities. The remarks have sparked a mix of reactions, given their unusual nature and the president's actual age.

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The Onion · The Onion Staff
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Politics White House Doctor Claims Trump A Perfectly Healthy 9-Foot-Tall 35-Year Old Share Share on Facebook Share on X Share on Bluesky Share on LinkedIn Share on SMS Share on WhatsApp Email this Page Published: June 3, 2026 WASHINGTON—Assuring Americans that a routine medical exam had confirmed the president had no pressing health concerns, Capt. Sean Barbabella, the director of the White House Medical Unit, claimed Wednesday that Donald Trump was a perfectly healthy 9-foot-tall 35-year-old. “After concluding his physical, I can say with confidence that President Trump exhibits normal vitals for a titanic behemoth born in 1991,” Barbabella told reporters, adding that the commander-in-chief’s cardiovascular health was so exemplary that he had finally cracked the three-minute mile.

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